I just moved from Boulder, Colorado to New York City. I hate it. Dating seems nearly impossible. In Boulder if I liked a guy I would just go back to the bar where I met him, and continue to frequent that bar 2 or 3 nights a week until I'd see him again and make my move. We would go on a date and I'd follow that date, not with a text, but by casually bumping into him, which, of course, was really a strategic move. I knew exactly how to run into him in Boulder due to the limited number of places to go and from the personal info I gleaned from our date. I would never pick up the phone, type out a text, or send a facebook friend request. I was able to look breezy, busy (I'm always out and about), and not at all like a stalker. In New York City I'm forced to use technology and technology is not my best color. It looks very needy on me.
Unlike boulder, in NYC the possibilities are endless. This may sound like a good thing to an outsider. But take it from me. It sucks. How am I supposed to do an accidental bump-in when I don't even know which zip code he's going to be in? In New York if you meet a guy and exchange numbers there are no casual encounters. It's impossible! Your interest is too obvious. The daytime texts, the late night drunken texts, the facebook friend request. He knows you're into him. You're not breezy at all and you certainly don't appear busy.
Once, there were days without mobile phones, when you were forced to leave your house and know you may miss his call. You looked pretty breezy then. Once, there were days where conversations couldn't be taken out of context because they weren't limited to 140 characters. We need to go back to the times where these things weren't so easily accessible. Technology is not becoming on us ladies. We never look breezy when we are texting. And we certainly don't look like a prize when we are friend requesting too soon. And perhaps more importantly than the awful way that our stalking makes us appear, is the unhealthy emotional effects it has on our own psyches when, for example, we find unsavory pictures of him with his ex-girlfriend. Or is it his "other" girlfriend?
I suggest setting limits on our text messaging, calling, and facebook friend requesting (although a little googling never hurts or course). Think about the way we exercise restraint when we are going to drop the L word. Wait for him to call. For friend requesting I would wait until there's already been a conversation about facebook (this usually doesn't take too long to happen). Say, "I'm going to friend you!" And make sure to not make this sound like a threat. Or, better yet, let him make the request.
